Sex pleasure is not sex

Sex pleasure is an important part of sex, but it is not sex. It is not sex any more than the pleasure attached to eating is eating. Both are important part of the whole, but they are not the whole. The purpose of the pleasure in both cases is to lead to something more important than pleasure. In the case of eating, the pleasure is meant to make eating attractive, so that a greater good may be effected, namely, that the whole body may be nourished and that life may go on. In the case of sex, the pleasure is meant to make sexual intercourse attractive, so that an infinitely greater good may be effected, namely, that the human family may be nourished by the provision of new members, and that human life as a whole may go on. Because this particular good is so important, God made sexual pleasure correspondingly great. This pleasure is, in fact, meant to lead to an involvement of the whole person, so that couples who accept the possibility of procreation actually become “two in one flesh” themselves.

            Teen-agers may be meeting these facts about sex for the first time in their gradually maturing lives. Some teen-agers may not accept them very readily. Anxious to please and to be acceptable to each other, they may allow themselves to be adversely influenced by the behaviour patterns they see all around them.

            These patterns are often dominated by an undue and, what is worse, an unreal emphasis on sex (an emphasis which creates, rather than solves, problems for youth). Even without such emphasis, the propose of sexual urge is not, in adolescence, immediately apparent. The truth is that sex is not to be regarded as an end in itself, but as part of many other significant aspects of life, interacting with these aspects, influencing them and being influenced by them.

            The first step in the study of sex should be to find out what its full significance is, and particularly what it has to do with love. For if love is one of the ultimate goals of youth, then an early preparation for love must be undertaken. This preparation must not be confused with sex experimentation. It is rather by learning to respect themselves and others that young people prepare, so that when the right person comes, they are able to undertake a lifelong commitment (offering themselves unselfishly and with an understanding of what love means).

            Sex cannot be separated from the total personality. Just as we control ourselves in other spheres of life because we understand the purpose of control (in eating, in drinking, in our social relationships), so, in sex matters, we control ourselves for the purpose, namely, to be able to use sex meaningfully when the proper time comes.

            The word “meaningfully” conveys a thousand things that make illicit sex sound cheap, shallow, and a waste of time. It conveys, for example, a growth of personality, a sharing of values, and a capacity for happiness. These come, not only from the procreative aspect of sex, but also from the sharing of ideals, of joy and sorrows. These are benefits which can be the by-products of sex-in-marriage carried to happy conclusion.

            Finally, the goal of all our striving is happiness. But what is happiness? Certainly it is not the same as pleasure. And still more certainly, it is not casual sex experience. We know that we are forever striving, and that, as we reach each goal, its attainment is but a stepping-stone to the next. And so it is important that each step of the way should be meaningful. The only way sex can be meaningful is when it is an expression of love in marriage, when man and woman are truly fulfilled in a union which enriches their whole personalities.

Part two

Introduction

 

Formerly, it was sufficient for young Christian people to know and believe that lack of control in sex matters was wrong because the bible tells us this, because Christ confirmed it, and because Christianity has always taught it. Today they are confronted with questions from a godless society which wants different answers and, moreover easy answers. The traditional ones are unacceptable to them. They feel confident that, in these enlightened times, complications like venereal disease and unwanted pregnancies only happen to the stupid and the ignorant. They also dismiss lightly, and as something belonging to the past mentality, the sense of guilt that has traditionally been attached to unchaste actions. And having disposed of these and other reasons for practising chastity, they find no other to replace them convincingly. For such young people, and for those who come in contact with them, a study of the whole problem, based on a proper understanding of what sex is, will repay serious consideration.

            Since the clock cannot be put back, we must face the fact that those who want to be chaste have an uphill fight. Only too often the physical side of sex is being falsely presented to them, outside its total context, as being the “real thing,” and, consequently, it is easy for youth to confuse sex pleasure with sex. The purpose of sex education should be to cultivate a proper understanding of sex and all the enriching values it can bring to life.

In marriage the grace of God is guaranteed

 

In marriage, the couple themselves are the ministers of the sacrament. It is they who, of their own free and deliberate choice, are God’s instruments in tying the knot of union which is to last until death. The priest is simply the official witness, which means they themselves have been used by God to give to each other not only sanctifying grace but also the right to all the actual graces that will make them steadfast and faithful in their new duties and cares.

             It is this grace which flows from the power of the sacrament that sustains couples in the difficulties that lies ahead ( hard work, child-bearing, the education of their children, sickness, lack of leisure, inconveniences, personal adjustments and all the  self-sacrifice and patient tolerance needed to maintain peace and happiness in the home).

            Due to the grace of the sacrament, the love that husband and wife bear each other will triumph over all their trials. It is a continuing grace and is available to them during their whole lives. The sacramental union is a guarantee that God will offer sufficient actual grace day by day for all their needs, especially in every temptation and crisis.

             It should be noted that married people must live in the state of grace in order to receive these constant graces to them to live up to their vocation as Christian spouses and Christian parents.

            Besides distracting the mind from the real meaning of marriage, over-attention to social details before a wedding often has other unforeseen side-effects, not the least being the state of exhaustion that is experienced afterwards. Certainly, there is an important social side to a wedding, but it should not be made into a fashion show, nor should more money be spent on it than can be reasonably afforded.

            A wise couple will not be so taken up beforehand with the social side of the wedding arrangement as not to study the spiritual side also. Nowadays the beauty of the Nuptial Mass is being more appreciated, and many Catholic couples fell strongly about its spiritual value. They want the very best on this important day in their lives. Indeed, it is quite customary for them to read through and study the special Mass prayers well beforehand and to provided the bridal party, sometimes all the guests, with copies of the Nuptial Mass booklet this is the right attitude towards such a great sacrament.

In marriage the grace of God is guaranteed

 

In marriage, the couple themselves are the ministers of the sacrament. It is they who, of their own free and deliberate choice, are God’s instruments in tying the knot of union which is to last until death. The priest is simply the official witness, which means they themselves have been used by God to give to each other not only sanctifying grace but also the right to all the actual graces that will make them steadfast and faithful in their new duties and cares.

             It is this grace which flows from the power of the sacrament that sustains couples in the difficulties that lies ahead ( hard work, child-bearing, the education of their children, sickness, lack of leisure, inconveniences, personal adjustments and all the  self-sacrifice and patient tolerance needed to maintain peace and happiness in the home).

            Due to the grace of the sacrament, the love that husband and wife bear each other will triumph over all their trials. It is a continuing grace and is available to them during their whole lives. The sacramental union is a guarantee that God will offer sufficient actual grace day by day for all their needs, especially in every temptation and crisis.

             It should be noted that married people must live in the state of grace in order to receive these constant graces to them to live up to their vocation as Christian spouses and Christian parents.

            Besides distracting the mind from the real meaning of marriage, over-attention to social details before a wedding often has other unforeseen side-effects, not the least being the state of exhaustion that is experienced afterwards. Certainly, there is an important social side to a wedding, but it should not be made into a fashion show, nor should more money be spent on it than can be reasonably afforded.

            A wise couple will not be so taken up beforehand with the social side of the wedding arrangement as not to study the spiritual side also. Nowadays the beauty of the Nuptial Mass is being more appreciated, and many Catholic couples fell strongly about its spiritual value. They want the very best on this important day in their lives. Indeed, it is quite customary for them to read through and study the special Mass prayers well beforehand and to provided the bridal party, sometimes all the guests, with copies of the Nuptial Mass booklet this is the right attitude towards such a great sacrament.

Husband and wife

Man and woman have a complimentary nature and the marriage union brings an enrichment of the human personality, both psychologically and emotionally, to both husband and wife. As well as helping them to a more perfect love of each other, it is ordained to satisfy their natural impulses and inclinations. Christ Himself spoke plainly about the powerful bond between husband and wife. In the Gospel we read how He reminded the disciples that God, Who made man, made them from the beginning male and female and that God said, “this is why a man must leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and the two become one body” (Mt. 19: 4-6). The moral and physical relationship of man and wife therefore creates a bond stronger even than the tie of blood-relationship.

            St. Paul gives us a more perfect picture of the relationship of husband and wife. Women, in pre-Christain society, were held in little honour, but Paul’s understanding of Christain marriage changed this completely. He wrote: “husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed himself for her to make her holy... In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies; for a man to love his wife is for him to love himself” (Eph. 5:25, 28).

            Thus, the love of husband and wife is supernaturalised; for it is seen as a sharing in Christ’s love for His Church. St. Paul, with his enlightened understanding, called this a mystery which “has many implications” (Eph.5:32).

            It happens that the purposes of marriage are stated by God Himself. In the book of Genesis, the passage relating the creation of man and woman states one purpose, namely, procreation: “Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth and conquer it” (Gen.1:28). Immediately after this, another purpose is stated, namely, mutual love and companionship: “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helpmate” (Gen.2:18). Then comes the passage: “this is why a man leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one body” (Gen.2:24). This means they become a new community, which, By God’s blessing, will grow into a complete new family. And in the New Testament Our Lord clinched the matter for all time by stating definitely: “So then, what God has united, man must not divide” (Mt.19:6).

            “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth.” The act of marital intercourse is itself holy, because it is an act of nature willed by God. And so, as St. Pius XI expressed it: “Among the blessings of marriage, the child holds first place”. But it is not enough to bring children into the world; they must be cared for and educated. This is why the marriage bond must be stable and permanent.

            Marriage should help husband and wife to become holier; and while many purposes or reason for marriage exist-love, companionship, security, and even inferior ones like passion, pleasure, money- all are permissible, provided they are good, and do not oppose the principal purpose of marriage.

            Finally, any priest can advice couples on these courses of instructions or lectures which thoroughly discuss the meaning and responsibilities of the marriage state. And they can also discuss problems with informed persons, whether in private or in study groups.